just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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