it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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