I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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