Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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