i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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