He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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