Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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