ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize