Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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