remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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