just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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