He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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