UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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