"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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