I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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