Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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