he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize