That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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