Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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