i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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