i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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