I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize