I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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