What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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