moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize