I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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