I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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