He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize