just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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