i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize