my phone needs a breathalizer
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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