I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize