Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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