why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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