i need an iv and a liver transplant
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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