The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize