apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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