I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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