Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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