but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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