I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a search helicopter?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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