4 words: hood of his car
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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