rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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