I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize