I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize