I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize