4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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