At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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