My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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