did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize